I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of tortellini chicken soup then plopped down on the sofa next to my husband as I devoured my meal. He was watching some show on TV, looked kinda dumb but because I was eating I stared at the TV too. Then suddenly, the main actress said something that really spoke to where I am in life right now...
"We all live in hiding. In one way or another, each of us conceals pieces of ourselves from the world. Some people hide because their lives depend on it. Others because they don't like being seen. And the special cases, the ones who hide because they just want someone to care enough to have someone look for them." from the USA TV show In Plain Sight
Awesome quote, huh? Deep for a cable channel.
Why does this speak to me, you ask? The idea that some people hide because they don't like being seen. That is totally me. It's freaky too. Thursday, May 29th I journaled about this exact thing...it's a theme I see in my life. I avoid being seen. I sneak into work stealth like, close my office door and turn on just one light. I ask my husband or one of my boys to water the plants on the front porch so I am not seen by passing cars (we live RIGHT on Main Street - cars just feet from my porch). If I'm meeting someone at a restaurant, I am sure to get there at least 30 minutes before scheduled time then I wait in the car until they show up so we can walk in together. I'm always behind the camera catching everyone's image but my own. There have been a few occasions when my husband has looked at me so intensely, it's as if he's peering deep into my soul. Hate that. If you can't tell, I really don't like being looked at.
Why is this? I journaled about it too. But I haven't had a Divine revelation or any downloads from Heaven...yet. This is something I'm aware of, am sitting with and lifting before God. What am I afraid of? Do I worry too much about what others think? I never thought of myself that way. Could this be what I call,"sneaky pride"?
Or maybe this is more complex and there are no simple answers... as I continued to process this on May 29th, I wrote these words in my journal, "If I am not seen, I can not be known." Maybe there lies the beginning of the answer.
to be continued...
4 comments:
deAnn,
Now that's what I call a sneak attack by God...that message just snuck in there, eh :)
Love,
Kim
DeAnn -
You are a BEAUTIFUL woman, why you should ever not want to be seen is beyond me. When you speak in church you are poised, confident and very attractive.
Another Kim :-)
Hi "another Kim" :0)
Thank you for the kind statements, I do really appreciate it. I'm in a weird but neat place with God and this post is one of many other thoughts that have been brewing deep inside me. Life with Jesus is called a "journey" for a reason, huh? Always something new and exciting around each corner!
Lot's of Grace & Peace to you, deAnn
hey deann,
perhaps your inclination to hide is because your trying to be like God. Doesn't he remain unseen alot, yet makes sure his flowers are cared for? Much of his activity is done with a single light on... not the spot lights...
Oh, there could be some "sneaky pride" in there somewhere. But I suspect its more of the meekness of Jesus influencing you to stay hidden.
"The hidden things will be made known"
David (ya, your old boss)
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