Last week was tough . April 8 was the one year anniversary of my (ex) sister-in-law's death. Raw emotions still healing in our hearts. Then, in the same family, my other (ex) sister-in-law passed away on Tuesday, April 8. The same date, just one year later. Very mysterious.
Wednesday, April 9, wasn't any better. My brother called from California and shared some sad news. His mom, after fighting cancer, lost the battle and passed away that morning. (My brother and I have different moms - he's actually my half-brother).
My heart is breaking for my three brothers and for my ex-family (how do you describe that?) which I am rather close too.
It's strange to think that one moment these people were living life right next to us and the next moment, we are left with a hollow shell that resembles them. Their time was up.
As I drove to work on Tuesday after hearing of the news about my (ex) sister-in-law, I thought, "Elaine is no longer on this earth, breathing oxygen and seeing the bright spring sun calling out the tulip blossoms." It was weird to think that... I remember her crunchy laugh, good sense of humor and caring heart. She no longer lives here with us. The world should be different now. But it's not. It's the same world as it was the day before she left it. But our world, the little sphere of life we call ours, will never be the same.
I think of her husband. They were married for thirty some-odd years. They did everything together: grocery shopping, paying bills, watching TV, yard work, walking their dog, folding laundry. The most mundane parts of daily life, they did together. Not so anymore. My heart is heavy for Mike. What will he do? His life is dramatically and unwillingly changed. The void is significant. It's just he and their dog now. And a heart full of loving memories that will sustain but not relieve the pain.
Loss sucks. We live in a beautiful but painfully broken world. We love then we loose. The more we love, the more pain in the loss. Should we just not love so the pain is less? I don't believe so. We should love more because the world is so broken...it needs love and lots of it.
Jesus, it's hard living on this earth. You know it! We long to love fully but we know the risk is great. May Mike feel Your loving presence and be comforted in the coming days. Let your peace flood his heart. Protect him from himself, against deep debilitating sadness. Cause him to reach out with need and for others to reach in, to his life, sacrificially. Teach us how to journey beside those who have suffered great loss. May Your unfailing love be seen through our actions, words and compassion. Amen.
3 comments:
deAnn,
Im so sorry to hear about more loss for you...yeah....it sucks...big time. I remember the Jane that I used to be...not loving so that loss would not touch me, it was not real, I felt loss anyway, even stronger than I do now, because of the love of Jesus. He enables me to heal now. I agree, we need love and lots of it, I for one am glad for the change, maybe not "happy". Thanks so much for your openness.
Love ya,
Jane
Dear deAnn,
What a painful world we live in. May the impact they made here be carried on thru you and each other person who was touched by their lives.
Holding you in my heart,
Kim
You said it-loss sucks... but I love how you stated that instead of not loving or loving less, we need to love more. Great reminder, because sometimes it soooo much easier to put the walls up close the windows and lock the doors to keep out the loss. Just think if God would have loved less and not more...where would we be?
Love,
Carol
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