Dove Deception

I have a friend who's weakness is Dove Chocolates. Today during a frantic search for anything sweet, I came across a bag of well hidden dark chocolate Dove chunks in an unsuspecting kitchen drawer. Not sure how they got there, but I was thrilled to find them. I grabbed a handful, maybe 5 or 7, but who's counting, and sat down to watch a favorite TV show.

As I quickly unwrapped the brown foil wrapper to reveal the delicious treasure inside, I was distracted by something unexpected. There, under the rounded-corner square chocolate chunk was a white circle and a message, "Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can." Wow, that's deep, I thought to myself.

Well, I was so INSPIRED by that message that I popped the candy in my mouth and quickly opened another piece to see what inspirational words waited my viewing. This time, "Simply be, rather than do, for a moment". I reflected on that as the first piece fully melted away in my mouth just in time to pop the second piece in. Wow, these are really cool! What's next? I thought to myself. So I grabbed a third piece of chocolate and unwrapped it only to read, "Share our similarities, celebrate our differences." Oh, and I popped that piece into my mouth.

I unwrapped the next one wondering what uplifting message I'd find, "believe in yourself." Okay, that one is a bit boring...but, it was then that I realized what was happening. Those sneaky Dove Chocolate people...they got me! Intrigued by the hidden messages that are under the candy, I plowed through several pieces of chocolate before I even knew what was happening!! I wonder now, how many calories I consumed anticipating the most moving hidden message...

Now I need to go for a run...

grace & peace ~ deAnn

Where Does Time Go?

I've not written on this blog in some time. I feel a stranger to it, really.

If I'm honest, I feel like a stranger to my life. Estranged, is that the word? Time passes by at an astounding rate, where does it go? A few weeks ago I was typing an email to a friend telling her how my boys are doing. I said my son is enjoying the 10th grade and the other son is happy in the 8th grade. Then on the way to school the next morning, my oldest son was talking about a classmate who's a Junior. I froze (thankfully my car was at a stoplight) and peered back to Tyler and asked him what grade he's in. Wondering if I had lost my mind, he slowly said, "ah, the 11th grade." I could NOT believe it. He's in the 11th grade! He'll be a senior next year! Regarding Evan, I got a notice in the mail telling me of his high school orientation in preparation for next years advance to the 9th grade. I could cry. Where does time go?

Sunday, clean laundry was piling up. So much so that if I planned to sleep in my bed that evening, I needed to fold the pyramid that had collected on its surface. I mindlessly folded piece after piece when I came across a pair of jeans that I couldn't tell who they belonged to: my husband, David, or sons Ty or Evan. They have grown up so fast.

Have I zoomed through life at breakneck speed and the natural growth of my two beautiful boys has gone unnoticed? I wish I could turn back the clocks just for a few moments. But as my time with them as non-adults closes in, I pray I make the most of every moment we have together.

Lord, be with Tyler and Evan. May they sense your presence every day. Protect them and guide them. May their hearts be drawn to Yours. They are Your boys, even more than than they are mine. Amen.

Published! Wow...

When I was in the hospital in August, I received an email from an editor of an interfaith prayer journal publication. They liked a particular post on my Vertical Creativity blog and asked if they could publish it in their October/November prayer journal, Scared Journey. Needless to say, as I lay, full of pain, in York Hospital, I was delighted and honored at her request. Later she contacted me again and asked if she could publish a photo I had on my blog as well - a photo of a sculpture I created through prayer in May 2007 called Tilted Vessel. Again, I said, "sure!" and was honored at the opportunity. Yet, even later - she emailed me and said that my sculpture photo looks fabulous as the cover for that issue. THE COVER?! Wow - how cool is that?

When the finished copies arrived in the mail early this month, I was shocked to see that I'm also quoted under their section titled, "Illuminations." Something I said is considered to be illuminating??? Insane!

If you'd like to read the post they published, you can see it on the Sacred Journey web page.

I can't help but think how gracious and gently our God is - He knew I needed a little encouragement to keep writing or to think I have anything to offer - so He lined up Sacred Journey to contact me about my written work. But didn't stop there. He lined them up to use my artistic work (the sculpture) and my photographic work (the actual image I took of my sculpture.)

Now, I just need to reflect on this example whenever I feel paralyzed or think that my creativity doesn't matter. It matters to God and He'll use it in the most amazing and surprising ways - if we only push through and create.

Grace & peace on the journey...deAnn

Two Weak Weeks

I haven't posted on this blog in so long that I had to stop and think what my user name and password is just to log on! Pathetic, huh? I was in a very busy season at work, so busy that it put me in the hospital (my theory, anyhow).

Sunday, 8/10 I came home from church and had a low grade headache. By the late afternoon my head pain had grown intense and familiar symptoms cropped up. I hopped online to see how likely it is to have viral meningitis a second time, as the symptom I had were the same as those I suffered in January 2000. Sure enough, once you have it - you are more likely to get it again. And on this Sunday, I knew I'd be going into the hospital the next day, if I made it through the night without a sooner trip. Ugh.

Monday morning came after a night of severe head pain, nausea, sensitivity to light, sound and movement, high fever, and neck and back pain. I went to my family doctor and she directed me right to the emergency department. But she wouldn't let me drive up the street to the hospital and my husband was on jury duty all day. I took a chance and texted David and thankfully he was just leaving the courthouse.

I arrived in the E.D. dressed to be admitted in my comfy sweatpant shorts and teeshirt, no make up and hair in a ponytail on top of my head, all ready out of the way for the pending projectile vomiting that I knew was in my future. Since this is my second time with this lovely illness, I knew what medications work well. Torodol (for pain) and Zofran (for nausea). But before they would dish out the good stuff, they felt they couldn't trust my word and have to do a lumbar puncture to be certain they were dealing with viral meningitis and not the deadly cousin, bacterial meningitis. I'm not real fond of having a needle in my spine tapping out the fluid that keeps my brain moist, but I new I couldn't get out of it. My biggest fear was either passing out or throwing up with that needle in my spine! But I was a big girl and did really well. The fluid was clear - good news - stating that I did NOT have the bacterial version.

Morphine and percocet didn't work on my pain, they only made me feel worse. Fortunately I was in an "isolation" room in the E.D. so it was quiet and dark. When you have viral meningitis, light is an enemy. Sound is an enemy, and even smells and movement are enemies. I was so sick. My husband came in with a cup of coffee and I couldn't stand the smell of it. He poured it out.

Long story short - I spent three days in the hospital and called four rooms "home" while there. Since being home, I've had good days and bad days. Today was my first day driving and I have to tell you - it wasn't fun. The medication makes me dizzy and I didn't realize how dizzy until I got behind the wheel of my Subaru! I walked around Rite Aid like I had forgotten why I was there or even how I got there. I'm sure the security cameras would be very entertaining to view. This feeling freaked me out! However, I managed to get home safely. Whew, I was exhausted, so I took a long nap. I didn't realize how weak I had become. Viral meningitis is one nasty illness and I pray that I never have to deal with it again. Twice is more than anyone needs in their life time.

Strangely, I feel so un-myself right now. I hope that changes soon. I wonder if there is anything I need to do or can do to feel more like myself? Guess that will come in time and with continued healing...

Thanks to all my friends that prayed big time for me! Grace & peace, deAnn

Mid Week Lament

When do I let go?
When do I fight?
The desires of my heart
are sobbing tonight.

Not sure what to do
they stand and wait
for the powerful ones
that hold their fate.

The familiar verse
sprouts in my mind
as always at times
when I feel blind.

Wait patiently for the Lord
be brave and courageous
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord

Brave? Courageous?
I'm trying my Lord
and yet, wait patiently?
I am filling with discord.

You see my life's story
You know what is next
I trust You Lord Jesus
to do what is best.

So, I will sit and wait patiently
I'll be brave and courageous too
Yes, I will wait patiently my Lord,
I will wait
for You.

Location Matters?

Is true sabbath really possible? I'm "the average" mom, wife, employee, neighbor, friend, housekeeper, chef, gardener, chauffeur, grocery getter, dish washer, care taker, child of God. Can even the average person like me achieve true sabbath?

A whole day of resting in the presence of God...can you imagine that? I dream what that would look like, but it couldn't happen in my house in my town with my family around. No, to me it would be at a monastery perched high on a mountain in central Israel or overlooking the sea in southern Turkey. Nothing but the sound of wind passing under the wings of courageous birds or whistling through lush green pine needles. Peace, senerity, quiet, God. ...Lovely.

But that is not my real life! It's a gift that I can recall memories that take me back to some of the places I've traveled overseas and wish I could return to them in a blink of an eye. Reality strikes and I find myself plummeting high speed towards this little old town I live in. Quaint, but not serene.

So, the struggle remains - living my sabbath mindful of God in all I do and seeking solitude, even if it's for the few moments I'm out watering my garden.

Sabbath rest is not all about location. It's about the attention of our heart on the One who love us more than we can comprehend. Then resting that truth.

May your sabbath day be rich with God's presense...
grace & peace on the journey ~ deAnn

sabbath

I just turned off the DVD player. My head is spinning. I love Rob Bell's NOOMA's. So I thought I'd love hearing what he had to say in his tour, "Everything is Spiritual." I was not let down. It will make you think! Be prepared for full usage of every brain particle you own.

Here's something convicting, actually, that Rob talked about. Rest. Do you rest? What does it look like, this rest you do. God rested. He created for six whole days then He took a rest - to kick back and enjoy His creation.

Sure, I rest, but it's not good rest. Weekends, for instance, should be filled with fun, doing things you like, or in our case = demoing a bathroom. Not much rest there (yesterday). Today, Sunday - I'm lazy as all get out. Yup, I've "rested." More like "wasted." I wasted the rest.

Sabbath, that day of rest, is a time to recharge and give yourself a little break for an entire day and to prepare for the week ahead. Heck, I can do that laying on the sofa clicking through hundreds of TV channels. Then I get mad at myself because I wasted the day, doing nothing. Something about my "Sabbath" doesn't feel right. Then Mr. Bell said a few words about Sabbath that really caught my attention: it's about doing something that feeds your soul. Laying on the sofa watching the TV does NOT feed my soul - it's ticks me off.

I'm going to readjust my time of rest, and attempt to live into a real Sabbath - enjoying God's creation - maybe with my camera in hand while on a hike. Getting crazy with color on a huge canvas. Choosing a childhood memory and dive right into that day then record it on paper. Read my favorite book and write about how I heard God speak to me through it. Or a period of solitude. Whatever it is, it MUST be soul feeding not soul sucking. For me, soul feeding means I'm aware of God's presence in and around me and marveling in His goodness and beauty and creativity, or even experiencing those traits in others.

The hour and 17 minutes I sat in front of the TV watching Rob Bell scribble a ton of mind stretching thoughts on a white board the size of a train car ~ yes, that, for me, was soul feeding. Ah...sweet rest.... ~ but my Sabbath is not yet over.

My plan from this day forward: to be intentional about picking one day each week and designate it as my Sabbath, doing what feeds my soul.

grace & peace on finding your day of rest...deAnn

If you want, check out: Everything is Spiritual